Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
