So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
