Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
