ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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