Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
