So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
