I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
