Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
