I want to have your abortion
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
