Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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