Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
