He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
