On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
