I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
