We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
