He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
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areolas are like halos for boobs.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
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He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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