Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
