I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
