guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
