i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
