She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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