I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
