who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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