She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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