Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
