on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
