So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
