I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
