And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
