I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
