I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
