I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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