Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
