As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
