atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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