Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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