i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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