You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
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Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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