That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling