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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome

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• (916): View more from California

  Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice

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• (207): View more from Maine

  do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.

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• (516): View more from New York

  The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.

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• (716): View more from New York

  When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."

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• (518): View more from New York

  The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.

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• (805): View more from California

  her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb

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