dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
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I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.