I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
