Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.