I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.