i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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