I wanna bring you to show and tell
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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