Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
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giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
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I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.