It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
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Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
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Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend