Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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