dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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