Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
