I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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