I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There r osticjed everywhere
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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