im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
