She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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