I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
