Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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