Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
