He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
