Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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