I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
A+ Viking dick
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
