It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
