my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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