Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
