gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
