dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
