My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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