party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
