He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
