yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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