oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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