Ambien. No doubt about it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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