my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
