he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
