My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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