maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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