My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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