I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize