mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
