i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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