My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
