My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
