DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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